Sloppy Wet Kiss!

I'm gonna straight up be honest and say that the reason I haven't posted anything in so long is that nothing all that good or interesting has happened since I started college, apart from maybe being part of Gospel Choir (which is like my obsession!!).

2010 didn't really get off to a great start (it doesn't help that I can't for the life of me type "2010" right on the first go:P), but I have to admit that RAW Easter was pretty awesome. Right from the start God was answering prayers, by sending one of my favourite speakers from past camps, FERG BREEN, (and of course his wonderful wife Jane) who managed to put together a pretty amazing set of talks together in very little time. I learned so much about myself and about God. I had some amazing conversations with people and conversations with some amazing people. We had some great craic and did some great work for God. We sang our hearts out(I know I did...:S) and danced our socks off. We opened our eyes, our ears, and our hearts and, hopefully, let ourselves be real with God.

Just to make it clear, no matter how much I try I could never put into words how amazing RAW was but here we go.

Once upon a time, in a town called Arklow, 9 of us met up to get taxis to the Manor. I, of course, started the weekend by insulting a good friend, as ya do, but I think he got over it (*hug*?), and as we waited for the taxis, the lads and girls belted out some choons, much to the delight, I'm sure, of the few randomers that passed.

After making the taxi driver uncomfortable, and Bernard probably a little scared, we got to the manor and received our wonderful bedding(this IS noteworthy:P)!! It was great seeing all the old faces again and meeting all the new people, and it was great being in the OCD pizza group, so apt!

After Ferg's first talk I had a lot to think about. Before RAW I had been feeling, as had a lot of people, I know, quite distant from God. I really couldn't believe that he could see anything good in me (like, at all). Anything I've tried to do for him in the past year, I've either failed at or just given up, and a lot of things I have done seem to have been so against him. I had very quickly after getting to college, gotten to the point of just not talking to him because I - well I honestly don't know why, I just found it incredibly hard to trust in him, even though everyday I needed him more. (To be honest, I hated the fact that I NEEDED camp to get me to the point of trusting and talking to him again, and I hate that this cycle has a good chance of continuing). I went to bed that night feeling like a failure, feeling so far from God, feeling really lonely, and honestly(gotta find another word:P) a bit left out. But I think I began to break down the wall id built, I cried myself to sleep as I promised to get into this camp as much as possible(I think I did as well as could be expected of me on this front), and prayed that God would show me who I am, and what I'm supposed to do, which all of a sudden had become really a huge question for me.

Both Ferg's morning talk and (especially) everything Jane said in small group really hit me, it was as if Cat and JJ weren't there and Jane could see inside my head. Weird. I was actually really excited about the nursing home trip, and even more so once we'd successfully prayed the rain away. I think I got surprisingly into the work, even though I had no idea what we were meant to be doing, and I hope I at least didn't complain too much(at least not as much as the lads...:P). It was great to be able to help out, even if we did leave a huge mess behind:S (I actually wanted to stay and clean that up some more.. but I also wanted to go:P). There was something really therapeutic about it too, I now know why Daddy has spent so much time out in the garden this past forever, and can see why he misses it now that he's not allowed!

That night Ferg read out the things God sees in us and sees us as and told us to hold on to the ones that stuck out, even if we didn't think they were true for us. I wrote: "You are forgiven"(Ferg didn't say this, but I was fascinated by this all day..), "You are a co-worker with God"(1Cor 3:9), and "You can do all things in Christ"(Phil 4:13), this is something I just couldn't believe...

I decided that night to read two letters I had written to myself (one in Ovoca in 07, and one at our 6th year retreat). I expected to be disgusted at how sloppy and sentimental they were, or be really disappointed at how little I'd changed, because I knew I was fighting, and failing at, the same things as I was back then. but Iwas actually really surprised! I WAS really disappointed, but because I'm not the girl I was then, I seemed SOOO much happier, and so much more hopeful... but I was also really encouraged by them. they didn't chastise me for my actions or my failings, but reassured me and highlighted my strengths, and how God will never leave me. I still didn't get it but I knew that I was SOMETHING in Christ, that I had some worth in him and to him, and that was pretty amazing.

I was still quite excited about Saturday's work, and although I didn't sound like it (Damien, on the off-chance you're reading this:P), I totally didn't mind picking up that disgusting rubbish, honestly! I was just so angry that we HAD to, like, that the stuff was there in the first place, and that even if we had stayed there all weekend we wouldn't have made much of an impact (though i know God appreciated it...:P). I can safely say that if I wasn't doing it for God, there is no way I would have done that.

I found it kinda hard to get into Saturday night. I felt like I had once again failed him (and DURING camp too, *shock*) but at one point God seemed to be telling me that that night wasn't about me, which was a good point... so I just prayed for someone else, and praised the God, who for some unfathomable reason, loves me, with all of my self, or, most. (I apologise to the people in my vicinity, who had to listen to me scream...:S:P)

To make sure I was dressed(I'm weird, apparently, and REFUSE to wear my PJ's down to the bonfire) and didn't forget my camera like I did last year(total fail) I woke myself up at 6 on Easter Sunday. After listening to Damo read something I now forget:S but I'm sure was very important and true and made me think at the time, and getting prayed for, I stayed at the bonfire with a select group to enjoy the beautiful morning. I did eventually realise the folly of not wearing more socks, and went back inside, but not to bed, NEVER to bed. Seriously, it would have just been a waste of a great part of the day. A group of us hung out in the conference room and sang from Eric's song folder, and some (i.e. me) had chocolate for breakfast(simply had to be done). It was fun:).

As far as daytime activities go, Sunday's was definitely the worst.. Nah, totally kidding. I was SO happy with the group I got for this year's movie (Thanks to Andrew for pulling me into his group!). Making the movie is always something I'm very apprehensive about. I NEVER want to be in it, and usually don't contribute in any way. Although my onscreen work was as dire as ever, I actually DID put effort into every other part of it that I could, as long as I could do it while lying down, that is(I was feeling quite weak all day:S). I'm so glad I got to hang out with those cool people (Ste, Michael, Philly, Andrew, Susie, Kate, Caroline, Eric, man I hope that's everyone, or I'll feel REALLY bad) for a few hours. The whole process was the most fun I've had in quite a while, and the end product was simply hilarious! The other groups all did great jobs too, though some were a little, eh... incoherent...:P:P fair play to Joshua and Cat's group for doing it live, I REALLY wanna see it properly... *cough*Ste!!*cough*

Ferg said he was bringing out his "awesome"(I don't know what he actually called it..) talk on Friday night, and I actually didn't think it could have gotten better. Ferg played...some song, which I'm gonna find out the name of now..."God of the Angel Armies", according to Ferg's Facebook:P. I have to be honest here, and I don't in any way want to take away from anyone else's response to, or opinion of, the song, but it didn't really do anything for me.I couldn't concentrate on it at all, and just found myself fidgeting and looking round the room. But the second the room fell silent, I did what Ferg had said to do before he played it: think of something you're really thankful for.

My parents jumped straight to mind when he said that, and especially my Daddy. I tend to take them for granted a lot, and it seemed like about time I thanked God for those amazing people. I suddenly realised how Daddy is SUCH a light for God in my life, and I felt SO blessed to have that, because I know lots of people don't have that. I thought of what Damo said about how much he loves his daughters, and I realised that my Daddy loves me SO much, beyond anything I could ever know. I mean, Damo KNOWS how much he loves his kids, he's the one loving them! but I don't know exactly how much my Dad loves me, but I know that he loves me unconditionally. He has worked so hard all his life to give me everything, and HAS given me everything I need. The only promises I ever remember him breaking are ones where he promised NOT to give me something or do something because I didn't hug him or something:P And although we fight(had about two fights with my parents on the way home from RAW alone...:S) and annoy each other somethin' shockin', I've only EVER heard him lose it or shout once (twice at the very most!). I know that if he had to, he would go to the ends of the earth for me (during RAG week I had a mini-breakdown because the only toilet in the house was blocked for the 3rd time since Christmas and no one was doing anything about it, and I had already told the landlady about the previous times and practically got blamed for it, so I wasn't about to do it again, [whoa, big tangent..:S] and my parents were totally willing to drive 1.5 hours each way, JUST to unblock a toilet...). I really have no idea what I'd do without him...

Something my mammy used to say when I was younger, about how Daddy sees me, shot to mind, that I'm the "apple of his eye". and I realised that that's exactly how God thinks of me too.

As I was thinking of all this my heart was BURSTING, because I realised not only how great and unconditional my Daddy's love is for me, but how infinitely great and infinitely unconditional The FATHER'S love is for me. Like I can't even comprehend how much daddy loves me, and God's love for me is so much greater.

I realised that not only would Daddy go to the ends of the earth for me, but that Jesus DID go BEYOND the ends of the earth, AND BACK for ME. Because he LOVES me. Because I AM THE APPLE OF HIS EYE!

I hope that anyone reading this who hasn't realised this yet, realises it.

A Collage Of College-y Thoughts

A recent Jones cap said something about a new chapter in my life...(I would tell you the exact wording but I have since disposed of the aforementioned bottle cap). It would seem that I am now sitting on the first few lines of this chapter, and as I sit on my new bed, in my new room, in my new(to me) house, in a new town, a whole new(not really, but repetition is good) set of thoughts, both excitements and apprehensions, is going though my head.

Is anything cleaned properly *cleans EVERYTHING, twice*?(seriously, the cooker is disgusting) What if the house is haunted? What if someone breaks in? What if I don't like the people I'm living with(ok, I'm fairly sure I can put up with one of them, I've known her since we were 5, so I think she's tolerable:P)? What if they don't like me? What if I like them too much(mike you get me:P)? What if they don't reciprocate, or WORSE, what if they DO? What if this payment thing doesn't go through? What if I cant get the words out to the bank person(this one IS reasonable)?

What if I don't make friends? Will I be able to handle all the reading? Should I do Irish? What if I'm crap at Theology? How does one write an essay again? How does one reference? PLAGIARISM - man I hope I don't end up doing that....

What if I cant manage my money? Will I have money for the bus home on Friday? I better not lose my cards... will I be able to get up on time? Ugh, swine flu. UGH even worse, my hands WILL die from the constant hand washing and sanitising...

i know that somewhere in the bible it says that a man does not lengthen his life by worrying about anything. well, i say this... i am a woman:P but seriously, i know that the majority of my worries will never materialise, but this doesn't stop me from having them, and I'm sure that if you're starting on this journey up a level, all the way to the 3rd one no less, at least some of these things, or similar things are on your mind too, or if you;re not quite there yet, will be:P all this said, i am now out on my own, answerable to my nagging parents only 2 days a week, in a position to meet new people, learn new things and experience new experiences, and that's pretty exciting, don't ya think:P (please say ya think:P)

Summarising Summer

OK, so I'm back, I hope... I know that to many of you, this resurrection of mein blog is an event of great rejoicing, but for still more of you, something that will not affect you in the slightest, my posts being merely a mild annoyance on your home-page thingy. I think either way, I win:).

The main reason for my almost year long hiatus from posting is that bane of every 16-18 year old Irish teenager's life, the Leaving Cert. You see, dear and faithful followers (most of you are in fact facing this nightmare this year, and I sympathise, sincerely *evil grin*), the Leaving Cert stripped my life of any and all free time and interesting happenings. For the best part of those nine months my mind was fixated on school 24/7, with short breaks taken for essential activities such as messing with facebook and watching Grey's Anatomy. In any case I rarely had anything remotely interesting to talk about, and anything I did find interesting was inextricably bound up with the leaving, which is not something I would want people to read, at least not from me.

In case you wanted to know, it went fine. I mean, I didn't really handle the stress very well(not that there was a whole lot of pressure on me), I just tended to ignore it (or throw the odd tantrum. I know, I'm like 5), which kind of backfired on me in the actual exams. But it all worked out in the end. I got my first choice, and was only 10 points off my (revised) ideal pointage.

In the interim period between the exams and the agonising few days before the results I amused myself with general summery things (not really, most of it was computer-based), i.e., travelling. That's right, I went on my first real holiday. And I mean REAL, none of your wasting your time sitting on a beach surrounded by other Irish people, eating chips and Chinese food kind of holiday. I mean a real embrace the culture, eat the food say "dankeschon" every so often holiday. And, I have to say, I LOVE Europe, like the real bit of Europe, not so much England, that's just like Ireland with meaner people, bigger roads and cities and crappy accents (no offence). But REAL Europe, now that's the place to be...

Our first stop was Salzburg, which must be noted as it is the home of The Sound Of

Music, and, yes, we did the tour (if you're wondering who "we" is, it's me, my brother and his partner). You should do it too, for the craic. It also has a pretty streets, an apple-inside-green river(???) a beer-hall (we didn't go there though — next time:)) a cool fort-thing on the mountain and Mozart's Geburtshaus (and his other house actually). It's somewhere I would honestly consider living. I also really liked the food.

Next was Vienna, which is just a really

pretty city, I think anyway. And it's so easy to get around, with like trams, the S-bahn(or something) and the U-bahn EVERYWHERE. Ich Liebe! Ummmm, places of interest include... the palace type place, Schonbrunn, it also has the zoo and gardens and other things of that nature... that Prater place - the amusement place, and the big tower with the lift that goes up to 6.2 metres per second, with the rotating restaurant on top. I liked that:). There's also lots of other culture-y things like Churches and whatnot.

Next, if you're still with me, was Budapest. I'm honestly in two minds about this place, probably mostly for the fact that it was raining when we got there. I found that there was an unsettling amount of homeless people on our route to the restaurant-y area. There was also a disregard for the architecture, which I did like, there was too much graffiti on nice buildings. These nice building were many, however, which pleased me. This was Pest... I preferred Buda, probably because we stuck to the tourist-y places, during daylight. Buda Castle and the Fisherman's Bastion(?) is REALLY pretty.

From there we took a night-train (which I'm not supposed to talk about) to Krakow, which was exciting:P, because the train-guy said something to the effect of "lock the door at night, because 'weird' things can happen in Czech Rep":P.

We got there in one piece anyway, and had to spend like 6 hours wandering around in yesterday's clothes until we could check in to the hotel. I LOVED Krakow. The old part of the city is so... I dunno, it's... pretty, and preserved fairly well, but it's also really alive. Market Square was our hub for the three days we spent there. Along with the, 70 ish, restaurants lining its edges, the church (I don't know the name), which has the most colourful interior I've ever seen and the coolest tradition (a fireman plays the trumpet out of the upper windows every hour, and sometimes waves down at all the people:)), the Cloth hall, which like an indoor market (it's really just souvenir stall now, buts it's still cool) and the Ratus(??) town hall, the square comes alive every night (in tourist season anyway) with carriage rides, markets, and buskers. i have to say, the fire-guys were very cool, or hot, and the group of dancers were really dedicated, dancing for, like, EVER:P. There's also Wawel(above), the castle or something… and the Cathedral, where all the kings are buried (including the only female King). Oh, and the Dragon's Den.

Aaagh there's way too much i wanna say and I've totally lost your interest soooo long ago...

I think the most important thing I did on holiday was go to Auschwitz. The fact that now, it's all clean and the people around you aren't emaciated, hurt and terrified, and that it's not way overcrowded, it's quite hard to truly comprehend the magnitude of what actually happened there. The most striking things were the room with the human hair, because there's a strange, kind of unpleasant smell in there, and the gas chamber. The sheer size of Birkenau is also quite remarkable. I was quite numb by whole experience, not that I didn't care or realise the evil of it, I just think my mind refused to think of it in terms of the human lives. I do DEFINITELY think that everyone should go there.

We also found Schindler's Factory. There wasn't really much there at the time, but they are setting up an exhibition there. We were able to read (a lot of) information about the beginning of the factory, and about what Schindler did to help the Jews. We were also on the stairs feature in the movie:). It was there that I bought "A Girl From Schindler's List", the memoirs of one of the young girls. It was good and gave a more human perspective on the Holocaust, I'd recommend it to anyone who isn't extremely sensitive to graphic content, because I think anyone who can handle it should read it.

To avoid ending on such a serious note I'll end with this: Krakow Zoo is pretty:) I also quite like some of the food... I can only remember one traditional dish I had, that was Zurek, which is this soup that ya lob some sausage, egg, and what ever else ya want really, into and which I'm determined to try and fail to make come winter:). I actually had it twice in one day, though that day felt longer since we were up since 6.

Anyway, I suppose I should end it there... I'm sorry I tend to get carried away with these things... I'll make the next one shorter:P

Unite Camp

Time for a meaningful blog. 

um... this is from a while ago so if it say "last week" anywhere ignore it

I spent a week during in Greystones with a church from Dublin called Crosspoint. What an amazing week it was! I really think God wanted me to be there. First of all, He gave me that week open, even before i knew about. ya see, i WAS going to do the School of Rock thats been goin on in my town for a few years, but i completely forgot about about the sign-up meeting in school, i even went running round school after the organiser, but couldn't catch him. By the time I'd found out about the audition, my friend had already asked me to go to the church camp, and it was on the same week!(turns out it was doubly good that i didnt do the school of rock, cz im off again today to a Christian youth festival). Secondly, I kinda wanted to lead at a camp in ovoca, but i was too scared to ask, and didnt really feel like i was ready for it, but God gave me the chance to serve him by helping out at the kids camp.

Despite the fact that i frequently go to Christian camps, and have always loved them, i was REALLY nervous. I only knew three people there and only one of them half-way well. I felt sick for a day before it and i didnt really think id enjoy it. The first two days were kinda tough, cz i didnt know anyone and i was really tired(and withdrawing from caffeine) and cz i somehow ended up either helping prepare for or wash up after every meal... even if i wasn't supposed to. i didnt really mind though. There were only about ten teenagers there, and i guess i kinda got to know some of them. we did some fun activities over the week, none of which i thought id enjoy, all of which i did! A water fight. A photo safari(competition, which my team won! woo! the prize was a big bag of sweets..eww), a quiz(my team won again! a lot of thanks to josh and his ultimate knowledge of biblical things Prize:NOTEBOOKS!!!). We played mad games like empire and apples to apples and mafia(fun!), we went down to the shop too(big highlight) when i realised just how close we were to the sea, and where i FINALLY got a bottle(or two) of my beloved Jones! we also watched The Lion The Witch And The Wardrobe cz it was raining.

From Monday to Friday we ran a kids camp, themed "Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of God". It was awesome! There'd be kids songs with cool actions, an "Indy" skit, an object lesson(object always help) from kevin. and then we'd have go n entertain them for a while. playing games, doing craft, and learning memory verses! I was with the 5-7 year olds, and ok some of them couldnt quite get them, but a couple couple just rattle them off really quickly. i dont know any of them! i really thought i wouldnt like it at all, but it wasnt too bad(except for the fact that little kids have WAY too much energy). It was actually amazing to God work in those kids, which He did. Even if they didnt realise it. I did. On friday the kids were asked if anyone wanted to pray, and this one little 3 year old started praying. i couldnt hear what he said, but it was really cool. 

A few days we had talks in the afternoon. Im pretty sure they were all based around Daniel 1. and maybe 1 Timothy. About setting ourselves, as young people, apart from the world: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will" Romans 12:2. You know, we get warned ssooooo much about giving in to peer pressure and temptation, about drinking, drugs, promiscuity and all that that it gets ignored a lot of the time, it falls on deaf ears because its lectured to us by adults who just try to force their authority on us and dont relate. and while there was a bit of that, it was a kinda different angle, from people who werent too much older than us, from people who still had to make the decision to not give in to pressure. from the angle of Daniel and Timothy, young people who, in order to serve God, had to be courageous. Timothy 4:12:"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." not that we should go beat up people if they look down on us because we're young, but that we should act in such a way that it would be impossible for others to judge our youth. and even at that, i dont mean not to have fun. we're young, and we should enjoy it, but we do need to be responsible. we should set an example, not only for other young christians, but for young non-christians, and for older non-christians. And EVEN for older christians, because they will be encouraged by our fervour and zeal for the Lord. It's not that it's easy to be set apart, to "in the world but not of it"(if someone could tell me where thats from itd be great). It takes courage. We have to resolve in our hearts to be different, like Daniel "resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine"(Daniel 1:8). here was a young man at the mercy of a great empire, who's identity(much of which was in his faith) was being stripped away, who knew that by his defiance he could easily be killed, STANDING UP FOR WHAT HE BELIEVED IN. Daniel was an example to the other israelites who were in the same situation. He IS an example to young people in Christ. Daniel was a hero, and that is what we as young Christians are called to be. I think we have some of the greatest influence in our friends' lives, simply because we are the same age. Now I am far from being a hero, im not the best example for the believers either, but because of these talks, opening my eyes up to what i need to do, and because of the other young people at the camp, most of whom were great examples of the faith, in my eyes at least, i am challenged to become a better example to my church and to my friends.

6th Year...*DunDunDun!*

Note: Pointless rambley blog follows:

So i recently entered 6th year, which, for those non-Irish who my be reading, is the year of nervous breakdowns for millions of children across the universe. Those kids are silly. Despite the fact I'm not in this category of students, this is the first second I've had to myself since I've been back (and even at that I should be doing... not this!). It is my aim this year to (freakin') ace these little exams, while at the same time eating enough to stay awake, exercising enough to not spill over into other people's seats, and partake in extra-curricular activities such as freaking out first years, getting really nervous in front of people while their judging you on your composure(this is a pipe dream at the minute, I'll be really happy i get to do it:P), and witnessing to my peers. (English translations: First year Retreat, Debating, CU).

A few teeny problems face me in the pursuit of these things. For those who don't know me, and possibly many who do: I am lazy(this does not help with study). I SUCK with deadlines(today was the first time I have EVER, at least in secondary school, handed my Irish homework in on time and with some degree of effort made in the completion of it). This could be a problem as i have two 1500 word projects to do. I cannot play an instrument competently. I do not like too much interaction with human beings, especially those that are smaller than me and those I don't know. I do not like speaking in public, especially in a persuasive manner. I do not like bearing my soul to my peers, especially those that know me best.

However, I have made a commitment to these things, and as a result of watching Facing the Giants, I am now bound by my love for God to actually put effort into my endeavours. And who knows, maybe one of the extra-curricular activities will lead to a career  of some sort... Wish me luck, and give me advice!!!

P.S. Blogs of substance coming soon, I promise

Photos